Surprise Visit
by westquill
Summary: Charlie is commissioned by Patrick to go visit Sam for the weekend up at Penn State to try to brighten her spirits.
1. Chapter 1: Phone Call

Dear Friend,

I am very excited, and I'd like to tell you why. First, I want you to know it's the good kind of excited, where everything around you is warm and you just want to smile and move and be places. I'm very excited because I just talked to Patrick on the phone. He's still up at college, and when he first called me he sounded kind of sad. When I asked him why he said,  
"Sam and I had plans this weekend. I was going to drive up to Penn State and visit. But my communist professor decided to give us this dreadful paper. Dreadful, Charlie! Dreadful! How often do I use that word?"  
"Not often." I told him, being honest.  
"Exactly! And its due Monday. Not _next_ Monday, but _this _Monday, as in two days from now, Monday. _That_ Monday, Charlie." He really did say Monday that many times, but I think he was trying to be funny. But it was the funny where you're actually sad and the funny is just on top of it. I tried to make him feel better.  
"How long does it have to be?"  
"Too long."  
"How long do you think it'll take?"  
"Too long."

I got a feeling he didn't really want to talk about it, so I stopped asking. We were quiet and I thought maybe I'd lost connection because Patrick is never quiet for so long when we talk on the phone. He likes to talk fast and a lot and one time he told me he was trying to "race my brain" for who could be faster. But when he did start talking he said something that made my stomach hurt in this really sad kind of way.

"You know, Charlie, Sam hasn't been doing so well up at Penn State. Yeah, her grades are good and she's got some friends, but I know my sister and I know when she's not saying something. And I was really looking forward to going up there this weekend. And I know what you're thinking: Why don't I just blow off the paper and go up to see her anyway?" Incidentally, that wasn't what I was thinking. "But the paper is about a book and I haven't even started it yet so I got to read five hundred pages of communism and then right a paper about it all in two days." He stopped talking to make a large, frustrated sound. "Where is justice?"

This wasn't the part that made me excited. Actually, when Patrick hung up the phone a few minutes later I was feeling very bad, because I didn't like that Sam was feeling so bad and that Patrick couldn't make her feel better. But what was making me feel worse, and I feel bad saying it like that because it sounds selfish, but what really had me feeling sick was that last time Sam wrote me she said she was doing really well, and I didn't like to think that Sam was lying to me, even if it was to make me feel better. The way you tell a kid about Santa Clause. But the thing about Santa Clause is that after you know he's really your parents I think its better. Because you know your parents and them getting you presents is better than a stranger who doesn't know you at all and who you've never seen getting you presents once a year.

But while I was trying to figure out why Sam would tell me she was doing great when Patrick said she wasn't, and he really does know her better than anybody, Patrick called me back. He said he was just "struck with glorious inspiration" and the way he said it I could picture him waving his hands around a lot.

"Why don't you drive up?"  
"To help you write your paper?"  
"No! To meet Sam for the weekend."  
"I don't know."  
"Of course you do, Charlie. Listen, it's brilliant. I'll call her and say I can't come up, she'll be devastated, because naturally who wouldn't be? It's me we're talking about. And then you'll show up at her door with chocolates and a dozen roses—"

I interrupted him then, which I don't do a lot. I said,  
"Chocolates and roses?"  
"I don't know, you're the writer, you come up with something sappy and romantic. Anyway, point is, you show up and BAM! It'll almost be as good as me." The way he said "almost" I knew he was making a joke. But I didn't say anything, because a part of me really thought that maybe I wouldn't be almost as good as Patrick. When he asked me if I was still there and I said I was and told him what I was worried about, he told me I was talking crazy and that I should go. I said I had to ask my parents. He said,  
"I'll wait."

So I put down the phone and went and asked my mom and dad, who were watching an old black and white movie on TV that I had seen before, and I think maybe the film was something romantic because they both said yes right away, as long as I paid for gas. So I went back and told Patrick and he said,  
"Great! I'll set the stage for you. You get on the road. And when you get there I want a play-by-play of how it goes down. Got it?"  
"Okay."  
"That's our boy!"

And I would have asked him what he meant by that, but he had already hung up. I guess he was really excited about his big plan to surprise Sam. I just felt nervous, but I didn't want to let Patrick or Sam down so I got in my car which already had plenty of gas in it and I drove up. It took a long time, and I had to stop to read a map my mom had me put in the glove box when I first learned to drive. This was the first time I had to use it so it was a little confusing, but also exciting. I should have mentioned that it was petty early when Patrick called, and now I'm sitting in a parking lot here and the sun is starting to turn the whole sky this really bright orange that reminds me of the hand colored "Autumn Leaves" tape my sister gave me and then took back last year. (She's since then given it back again, though. In case you were wondering. It was while I was in the hospital.)

I'm very excited to see Sam now. I didn't get her any chocolates or roses, but Patrick told me her room number and I'm going to go up there now. I'll finish writing this letter when I get back, but I've just been waiting a little while because Patrick told me her class schedule and what time Sam usually calls him so I'm waiting until then to go up to the dorm. I'm very excited. So excited I'm having a little trouble holding the pen. I think I should go now.

Love Always,  
Charlie


	2. Chapter 2: The Dorm

Dear Friend,

Wow! Oh wow! Everything is great. Just great. With Sam, I mean. And me. Patrick was right, she was very happy to see me. I should start from where I left off in my last letter. I went up to the dorm and found the room number Patrick had told me about. I didn't have any roses or candy but I took the mixed tape I had in the car's cassette player out, and I thought maybe we could listen to that together in case things weren't as good as Patrick thought they'd be. It was in my back pocket. I should mention that I was wearing my old suit. The one Patrick got me last year for Christmas. Patrick told me to do that, too. I don't know why. He said it was "paying homage." But I don't remember to what.

Incidentally Sam's room is at the very end of a long hallway. The hall looks clean but it was also kind of cold. When I got to the door I thought was Sam's there was a dry erase board on it and her name was one of the ones on it so I knocked. No one answered so I had to knock again. This time someone said,  
"Just a minute." I thought it sounded like Sam, but the voice was really soft and also kind of horse so I couldn't really tell.

Sam opened the door, and her head were down. She looked so tired. I think she had been crying. Her cheeks were red and her eyes when they looked up at me reminded me of if you dropped marbles into water and just took them out. When she lifted up her head she seemed confused, and when her eyes reached mine it was like everything inside her just stopped. Her mouth opened a little but she didn't say anything. She just looked at me like maybe I wasn't there. I said,  
"Hey Sam."

And that was when her body slammed into me. Really, it wasn't even like she reached out. She was just there. In my arms, and hers were really tight around my neck and I felt her nose pressing against the spot between my shoulder and throat. I don't know what that's called. And she made a soft noise that was both sad and incredibly happy.  
"My god, Charlie."  
"Hey." I said again.  
"What are you doing here?"

I was going to answer but she stopped hugging me and pulled me into the room first and closed the door. Then she hugged me again. When she hugged me I saw a small trashcan close to the door in this little kitchenette area and it was overflowing with sad, crumpled up white tissues. And I hugged her back tightly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked me again. I tried to answer again but she stopped me again by saying,  
"Patrick! That no-good, lying, little…" she trailed off and her eyes went someplace else for a minute, and I think she must have been replaying in her mind the phone call she'd had with Patrick before I got there because when she looked back at me she had this look that was half amused and half just not believing.  
"He put you up to this, didn't he?"  
I nodded my head yes.  
"You two are rotten right to the core, you know that?" she said. But she hugged me again so I don't think she meant it. Really. Three hugs! And I just got there. I think Patrick was right and she must have really missed everybody. That idea makes me very sad, but I'm also very glad that I could help make her feel better.

She showed me around and the dorm room was very small so we ended up with her sitting on her bed and I sat at one of the desks on a wooden chair that wasn't too comfortable. But I didn't mind. We talked about a lot of things. Nothing very important, but just anything to keep from being quiet. It was easy. Nothing was forced, which was great because I had been very nervous something would have changed since we'd last seen each other and that would have been very sad. She kept saying things like, "It's so good to see you." or "I really missed you." And I kept telling her I missed her too and how good it was to see her again too. We talked for a very long time and I honestly don't remember most of it, which is okay. I just remember feeling really warm and having my face ache a little from smiling so much because I guess I was a little out of practice.

Eventually, though, it was getting very late and I said I should probably get going. And that was when Sam's eyes got very sad. She asked if I thought I could stay the night.

"Won't you roommate mind?" I asked.  
"She's visiting her family for the weekend."  
"Oh."

We got quiet and I don't know why but it was the first time the whole night that felt a little awkward. I said I had to call home and ask my parents. She showed me where the phone was. When I called no one answered. I guess it was later than we realized. I left a message, though, because I saw the way Sam was watching me as I was on the phone. Her hands were holding each other really twisted and tight and her shoulders were sort of hunched. She seemed very small, and I got an ugly feeling in my stomach. So I left a message saying that I was going to spend the night with my brother at his frat. I thought it seemed believable enough, and I didn't think they'd call to check with him if it was true or not. Maybe I'll call him later and ask him to "cover" for me if they do, just in case.

When I hung up the phone Sam hugged me again and had this really big smile on her face. She was very excited and said tomorrow she would like to show me around campus. I said,  
"Sure."

But it was getting late and even though I didn't want to be I was getting very tired. I said I should go back to my dad's car for the night and that I could sleep there.  
"I'm not going to let you spend the night in your car, Charlie." she said, like it was a really stupid thing for me to say. She told me I could sleep in her roommate's bed.

So as I was taking off my suit jacket and hanging it in the tiny closet in the room, along with taking off my tie, shoes and socks, and dress shirt, because I had a plain t-shirt on underneath it, Sam had gone into the bathroom and came back having washed her face and changed into what she would sleep in. It was just shorts and an oversized t-shirt, but I thought she looked beautiful in it. I told her so and she smiled and looked for a minute like maybe she would cry again.

The beds faced each other sideways. When I sat down on "mine," Sam went to sit on hers, but she stopped to turn out the desk light that was all she'd had on now that it was late. But first she turned to me.

"Goodnight, Charlie." she said. Her voice was soft and tired.  
"Goodnight, Sam." I said.

She turned out the light, but I could still see a little because the window in the room didn't have very good blinds. There must've been a streetlamp not far from it outside. I watched Sam stand in the darkness for a minute, and I saw her silhouette move toward me instead of to her bed. I felt her put her hands on my shoulders, and her lips found mine. They were very soft. The kiss didn't last very long, but it was very beautiful kissing Sam in the dark like that.

When she pulled away her hands stayed on my shoulders. She hesitated, like she was thinking of something. For a minute I thought she was going to kiss me again, but then her arms fell away and I heard her cross the small room and her bed creaked a little as she got in it. I lay down too, trying my best not to disturb how everything was so Sam's roommate wouldn't notice anything later.

We sat in the dark and I think we both knew we were still awake. Eventually I heard Sam shift in her bed again and I turned to look at her. She was looking at me too. I could see better now but still couldn't make out the pretty green of her eyes. I thought she'd say something. She liked like she was thinking of it. But she sighed and I think gave up on it because she said,  
"Sleep well." and then quickly rolled over so her back was to me. I think she sounded a little embarrassed, but I'm not sure why.

"You too." I said, very soft.

I dreamed about going through the tunnel. Only we were underwater so there was no sound. But it was still just as wonderful.

Love Always,  
Charlie


	3. Chapter 3: The Next Day

**AN:** Sorry it took so long for me to get to this. I hope everyone enjoys, and I hope I did a decent job of staying in character. Figures, but I have more trouble with the fluff pieces.

* * *

Dear Friend,

It was a nice kind of quiet when I woke up in Sam's dorm room. I couldn't find a clock so I didn't know what time it was, but I didn't look that hard because I didn't want to wake Sam or disturb her roommate's bed too much. It's funny because I slept pretty well even though normally when I try to sleep without moving much it doesn't really work. But I guess the long drive up had made me more tired than I realized, and Sam and I had been up very late talking and laughing and catching up the night before, so I was tired when I finally got to sleep. But it was a good kind of tired, just like it was a good kind of quiet when I woke up and saw the funny reflection on the ceiling from a cup on the table that was reflecting the sunlight coming in from the window that didn't have very good blinds. I don't really know why I'm telling you this, but I guess I stared at it for awhile because I was waiting for Sam to wake up. I didn't try looking anywhere else because I think if I did I would have just ended up looking at Sam. And I would have actually really liked to have seen what she looked like sleeping, because I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they look when they are sleeping. But when you sleep it's kind of a private thing and I felt like I didn't really have Sam's permission to see her that way even if she had invited me to stay the night.

Eventually Sam did wake up. The first thing she said was,  
"How long have you been up?" Her voice was really quiet and still half asleep and it sounded very beautiful. I guess she could tell by the way I was looking at the ceiling that I had been awake awhile. I said,  
"Not long."  
She didn't say anything but I think she could tell I was lying. But I got up and went to the bathroom then so I don't really know for sure. I went right away because I had had to go since I woke up but I hadn't wanted to disturb Sam. And I knew girls take a long time in the bathroom. Especially in the morning. Or at least my mom and my sister always do. It was a very small bathroom, but I knew a lot of college dorms don't have separate bathrooms at all so I guess it was pretty big when you look at things in perspective. I didn't have a toothbrush or anything with me, so I just took some of the toothpaste that was lying out on the counter on my finger and pushed it around my mouth and over my teeth. I know that's not very clean, but it was the best I could do at the time, and I really wanted to make sure my breath wasn't particularly bad.

When I got out Sam had gotten up and had changed out of her sleep clothes, and I felt bad because I could have accidentally walked in on her changing. I apologized but she told me not to worry about it. I tried not to. We went to a little kiosk place and each got some coffee. Sam got a bagel too. I didn't have a lot of money with me so I didn't get anything else. Sam offered to get me something but I felt strange about it so said I wasn't hungry. We sat down at a bench while Sam ate and watched people jog and walk with other people and some of them didn't seem to be going any place in particular and others seemed like they had some place necessary to be. But that was just how some people always are, I think. And I wasn't sure who I felt more sorry for.

When Sam was done eating and I had finished my coffee we went for a walk around campus. Sam said there were a lot less people there than normal because of the holiday weekend, but it still seemed like a lot to me. I'm not sure I could ever go to a college like Penn State, which is a shame because then I won't be able to see my brother or Sam like I thought maybe I could if I did go there. But I just don't know if I could handle all of those people all the time and all the things I could see them thinking and feeling without them realizing it. But maybe if I was "participating" it would be better. I'm not sure.

And one thing I really want to tell you is that as we were walking Sam took my hand. It was only in a friendly way I could tell, but it was still very nice. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable at all like sometimes holding hands can be. And my hands weren't very clammy, which I was very thankful and proud of.

We didn't talk very much. We were both just looking around and enjoying being there and being with each other, I think. I could tell Sam was thinking about something. And not the kind of something that you just think about when you are walking with somebody, like about the birds or the sky or the way you always seem to start walking in unison if you're with someone long enough . This was a kind of something that I think she must have been thinking about for awhile whenever she was alone and she was maybe thinking of a little differently now that she was with somebody. It was like the way I used to think about how I loved her while she was dating Craig. So I didn't ask her about it or anything, because I know those kind of thoughts sometimes take a long time before they become words, and sometimes take even longer before they become words you can actually say.

"How's Patrick?" Sam asked. I thought it was a very strange thing for her to ask, because I knew she probably talked to him more than I did. I said,  
"He's working on a paper."  
"I know that."  
"Oh."  
"Though I guess I thought that could have been part of his little ruse to get you up here and nearly give me a heart attack."

I didn't like the idea of giving Sam a heart attack, even if it was the good kind she was talking about. But I didn't say that. I said,  
"He would have come up otherwise."  
"I'm surprised he didn't blow it off anyway."  
"I think he almost did."  
"Sounds like Patrick."  
"He might have if I didn't come up."  
"I'm glad you did."

She didn't say it like she was just happy someone was there. I know this may sound egotistical, but it seemed like she was almost more glad it was me than Patrick. But I felt bad for thinking that, so I tried not to. And I realized I was still very much in love with Sam. And I think that's okay now because Sam doesn't like anybody else since she's been up at Penn State. I asked her. It was a little strange.

"Have you met anybody?"  
"A few girls in my dorm seem pretty nice."  
"I meant anybody that you want to 'go out' with."

She laughed the kind of way she did when I asked if she and Patrick were "going out" the first time I met them.  
"What makes you think I didn't mean that?" she said, and she winked. I felt my face get a little warm.  
"Do you?" I asked, even though I didn't really think she meant it, and I think she knew I really wanted to know though because she said no, she hadn't, and that she wasn't looking. And when she said it she squeezed my hand a little tighter than she had been. I'm not sure exactly but I think that meant that she knew I still loved her and that she was okay with it. I hope that was what it meant, at least. I don't really know. Normally I would have asked my sister about that kind of thing, but I didn't think that was a good enough reason to bother her while she's away at college.

Sam had to go ask one of her professors something, so I'm waiting for her outside one of the buildings. She said I could have come in and that the teacher was very nice, but I told her I wanted to stay outside because it was so nice. She smiled and said she "should have known." And I don't really know what she meant by that, but it sounded nice. I liked the idea of Sam "knowing" me. I think she's one of the only people I feel that way about.

We're going to go get dinner at the place my brother told me about with the Grilled Stickies when she comes back out. I'm very excited and hope I will like them as much as she does and as much as my brother said. But even if I don't, I think I'll still say I do.

Love Always,  
Charlie

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**AN:** _Please review!_ Let me know how you think it's coming along.


	4. Author's Note

**Author's Note: **My apologies, everyone, but I think I owe it to you all to say that there is a very slim chance this story (or any incomplete works on this account) will be finished. I've lost my muse for writing Charlie in this way since I got some really spiteful messages on my character account I had.

I'm not sure how many people were aware of this, but this story stemmed from a roleplay blog I had on tumblr called "writingwallflower."

Once the blog got popular, people started sending me unwarranted "letters" addressed to Charlie about their lives and all the trouble they were dealing with. A lot of people talked to me about depression, self harm, self loathing, family trouble, eating disorders, and a lot of other terrible things. They wanted "Charlie's" advice on the issues, and to have him as a pen-pal.

But it overwhelmed me. I got quite literally dozens of the messages a day at one point. I wasn't able or comfortable with receiving or trying to answer these letters. I asked people not to send them, but no one listened. Eventually I burned out my muse for the character and refused to answer any more "letters." And after that I got a lot of hate. People thought I didn't care about them or just didn't want the trouble. They thought I was turning my back on people and that I should have expected this to happen when I made the blog. This ruined the site for me, and it was no longer safe or fun for me to go on. So I shut it down.

I've since then completely lost my ability to write for Charlie, even for fanfiction. It's to the point where even reading through my copy of _the Perks of Being a Wallflower_ now makes me feel sad and a little sick inside over what happened.

It's unfortunate what happened, but I guess my point is I didn't want to leave any of you hanging, hoping for a story to be complete that more than likely never will.

If I ever come back to it, I'll let you know. But, for now, I'm sorry and goodbye.

Love Always,  
-westquill


End file.
